Brain in Love Response Essay

Psychologist Benedict Carey studies human behaviors. In “Brain in Love” he proposed his theory on love. Carey believes there’s a biological factor that causes our drive for love, and why we focus on one person and long relationships. Carey presents scientific evidence to prove love has a biological effect on the brain. He supports this claim by referring to studies like Helen Fisher, Ellen Berscheid, and Pamela Regan, in which scientists conducted MRI scans on the early stages of love to show how the brain’s activity reacts to loved ones. These studies showed that the brain develops a high concentration of dopamine. 

When explaining why we tend to focus on one particular person, Fisher stated, “your brain is registering this attraction for each one; then you talk to the third or fourth one, and whoosh – you feel something else” (401). I agree with Fisher because we are intrigued by the idea of finding the one someone who is “special” and stands out from the rest – making us attracted to that person. Pechorin states “Women love only those whom they don’t know” (9). Mary fell in love with Pechorin because he stood out since he was new and she had not seen him before. She was usually surrounded by many suitors looking to marry her, but she grew interested in Pechorin because he was constantly avoiding her – only doing things to deliberately connect himself with her in some way. At the start of the story, Pirogov and Piskarev both found women that they were attracted to. They both chased after them because they believed the women were ideal and fit into what they want in a wife. (251). These two situations explain how our brain is driven to find a significant other.

Fisher explains the side effects of how a person feels when they are in love. She stated, “couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention, and exquisite delight in the smallest details of this novel relationship” (401). I agree because falling in love with someone can make you take away your necessary needs and not think about your well-being. It takes a toll on the person since they’re constantly thinking about the lover. A person usually experiences symptoms of being in love due to the effect of the brain producing dopamine and euphoria. Piskarev starts to fall in love with a woman and he begins to only want to dream about her. When he doesn’t, he loses his sense of reality. He refuses to eat and his life is much boring and meaningless (262). Mary falls in love with Pechorin and she begins to experience the symptoms of “lovesickness”. She gets nervous breakdowns and develops a fever at the end (159). 

Psychologists have conducted studies to show that new couples usually tend to idealize their partners and tend to rationalize their flaws. This is called the “Pink lens effect”. Regan explains, “yet some idealization may be crucial to building a longer-term relationship…if you don’t sweep away the person’s flaws to some extent, then you’re just as likely to end a relationship or not even try” (402). I disagree that we need to idealize our partner in order to be happy in the relationship because it can lead to a Mania type of love and manipulation. Pisakarev described The Woman as a Virgin Mary – she brought purpose to his life but once he found out she was a prostitute, he couldn’t bear the news; causing him painful anguish  He had idolized his depiction of the woman In his dream instead of the real her (265). Pechorin likes women because he wants power over them. He likes to torment Mary and Vera by constantly misleading his intentions and antagonizing them. He knows the power he has over them because he likes that women are submissive and that they admire him (123). This shows that idealizing a person isn’t always beneficial to the relationship. 

Regan suggests “the highs don’t last, but neither does the withdrawal. With time, the craving and pain go away and the brain return to normal” (403). I disagree with this because it’s hard for people to get over someone or to deal with heartbreak and rejection. They could still have feelings for them or led them to depression. Piskarev felt embarrassed after the women declined his affection and marriage proposal. He became depressed and, eventually, he committed suicide (266). On the other hand, Vera still has feelings for Pechorin even after they break up. This proves that he still holds something special for her and that she’s never gotten over him (113).

   In Conclusion, I agree with Carrey’s beliefs that there is a biological factor that allows us to feel certain things when we are in love. It plays a role in how we think or do when we are in love. People react differently to the effects of love so there won’t always be a positive or negative prediction on how your relationship will be affected.