The Diagnostic/Literacy Narrative Essay

New York is a complex place. A place that is often described by people as a city of countless dreams and hopes. A city here the toughest, rude, or riskiest of people live. Zadie Smith once said, “New Yorkers choose to gather under the banner that says New York -which is so elastic it really means nothing at all” (pg. 4). To me, this means that New York has no definite experience. Being a New Yorker does not change the fact that people have different views of the city.  It is a place where you can make it your own. So, what does New York City mean to others? What does New York City mean to me?

For my parents, that answer would be opportunities and new beginnings. My parents came to New York about 25 years ago. Since they are not originally from the United States, they did not know what to expect. New York at that time signified hope to the new community of immigrants, as it had been for a long time. My parents took advantage of this. They managed to find jobs, and start a new way of life. Today, my family and I still live in the same apartment which my parents have been renting for more than 25 years. “Goodbye to All” stated, “New York is also, at least for those of us who came there from somewhere else, a city for only the very young” (Joan Didion, 227). For the most part, New York City has not changed, but my parents have. New York does not echo the same as it used to for them. With my parents getting older, they often talk of a simpler, peaceful life outside of the city. Yet, we are still here with no plans of moving anytime soon.  While I could understand why my parents would want to move out of the City, I don’t know my reasons for staying.

For a while, the city consumed me and it still does but it got to a point where I was unhappy. The city is fast-paced, and you start to lose track of time. “Goodbye to All” states that “six months can become eight years with the deceptive ease of a film dissolve” (Joan Didion, 227). For me, almost every day was a structure. I felt obligated to do the same routine. It was to wake up at a certain time, do certain things, and it would be an endless cycle of work until you repeat those steps again. It was always a different day, but it all felt the same. It also doesn’t help with the fact that I live in the same apartment I grew up in. “Goodbye to All that,” stated “Everything that was said to me I seemed to have heard before, and I could no longer listen…I had already met them, always. There were certain parts of the city which I had to avoid” (pg. 236). Having been born, raised, and still residing in the same Upper Manhattan neighborhood, you start to see the same people. The people never change and the same conversations were always said. Nothing would ever change. Because my parents have lived in the neighborhood for so long, they know everything about everyone. 

Attempting to find a way to change the routine in my life, an idea sparked when I was 16 wanting to get a job. At the time, I did not have any working experience, so I didn’t know how I was going to get a job. I imagined how it was for my parents. In a way, I wanted to prove to them that I could do it myself, just like they had done when they arrived in this country. “Goodbye to All” states that “I never told my father that I needed money because then he would have sent it, and I would never know if I could do it myself” (Joan Didion, 229). I eventually managed to get a job working in retail. It was not easy. The first days were the hardest. I felt immense guilt if I chose to quit because I wanted the city to feel like it did for my parents when they came – a chance for independence and opportunity. I wanted to be able to earn my success – I didn’t have to rely on my parents for money because I was finally earning for myself. Part of me felt better about the city but I was still left with the questions of why I felt compelled to stay. It wasn’t until family members from out-of-state came to visit, that I got my answer.

My family from Texas had visited New York once for Christmas. They had invited us to go on trips around the city. I was excited because I had not seen them for a long time. My excitement soon turned to annoyance on the fact we had to visit parts of the city I hated. “Goodbye to All” stated that “There were certain parts of the city which I had to avoid” (Joan Didion, 236). I didn’t like being in the parts of the city that most tourists would visit. Especially during the holidays, since that is the time of year in which tourist areas tend to be the most crowded and busiest. We went to the Rockefeller Center to see the Christmas tree, then headed to Times Square to finish the night off. We walked for hours with my feet sore. Eventually, all we got from that day was a terrible picture that captured an obscured view of the Christmas tree. For my family visiting, New York is the city of dreams. It is a fantasy for people who aren’t from here, especially people from small towns. New York is a dream that isn’t meant for those who actually want to live here. It is for those who want to be amazed by the city but are built upon a fantasy of this place. 

Before my family members went back to Texas, they invited us to visit for the summer. Mostly because of my cousin’s party that they were going to throw for her 15th birthday. I decided to go mainly to leave the city as a way of vacation. This trip was the farthest I had ever left from New York. For the first couple of days, It felt good to be in an environment that felt calm, tranquil, and peaceful. There would be a couple of times where I would remember New York and I would imagine how it was even though I was away. What would people be doing right now? I found myself talking to my sister about the things we would be doing if we were back in New York. “Misspent Youth” states “When I was growing up in northern New Jersey, just twenty-five miles away from Manhattan, I had no concept that actual people could live in such places” (Meghan Daum, 1). For me,  I couldn’t imagine living in the Suburbs and feeling isolated. No corner-store bodegas, crowded streets, stores in every corner. I felt trapped and less independent than I had been in New York. I couldn’t drive and no one walked to go places, so it meant I had to spend days stuck inside the house. I wasn’t sure if that is how I would want to be. I enjoyed spending time with my family but it leaves me with the question of what would I be without the city? I didn’t like how it felt being secluded from it. I had missed New York. I liked being in Texas or being anywhere outside the city, but it wasn’t until I was far and would be gone for a while that I had realized what the city meant to me. 

All in all, To me, New York City means home, new and endless possibilities. A city of discovery and adventure. During my childhood, most of the schools I attended were around the neighborhood. That was until I attended high school in downtown Manhattan. For the first time, I was meeting people that grew up in different neighborhoods and boroughs. I met my friends who were from Brooklyn and Queens, places that I have only visitéis a handful of times. We would go out to see new places and it was then I realized how much of the city I haven’t seen. New York is a place where I could find my community of people that know who I am and can understand me. “My Misspent Youth” stated, “Our neighborhood was a place for people who knew the city, for the people from the city…the residents of this neighborhood seem to give off a feeling of being very deeply rooted into the ground” (Meghan Daum, 10). I grew up in a predominantly Latino neighborhood in uptown Manhattan. The people here are first-generation immigrants or first-generation Americans. It’s a community where we all know each other struggles with what it took to come here or understand our troubles navigating the city once we are here. For me, being a first-generation American growing up in New York, I still don’t know my role in the city. My parents gave me their definition of New York and passed it along to me, giving me a chance to choose the path I want to take in life. I know I have endless possibilities on where I can go and do. New York makes me feel optimistic about my future and it’s always going to be part of me.